![]() How's that for a plot twist?įor the last 17 years or so, marine biologists have begun paying a great deal of attention to dead baby dolphins and porpoises of all ages washing up ashore, and we quote, 'mangled in unexpected ways.' It turns out they're sex-crazed thrill-killers. ![]() No animal in the world is more closely linked to DayGlo rainbows. Following which, they will pelt you with feces. All the while shrieking a vicious symphony of noise that is calling all his buddies over to beat you until you cannot grow anymore. While smashing his very long and extremely strong arms about your head and shoulders, grabbing your hair and slamming your head into things. With that mouthful of very fucking large teeth. If you do not understand this, the chimp would be happy to further elaborate. The chimp is attempting to inform you that you are invading his space. What that is, see, is a mouthful of very large teeth being bared. Then they pucker their lips and make fart noises and everybody just laughs until they die. And then they put their arms around the action star and snuggle in and everybody goes awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. ![]() That huge, toothy grin they flash for the cameras, it makes them look like devilish little scamps, like they have some great and hilarious secret they cannot wait to share. Notice a theme? Every single one of them manages to repeat the exact same sentiment ad nauseum: Do a Google search on "Dingo," and look over all of those pages. ![]() Which means there are several of them and they all think "fair fight" means "we outnumber the hell out of you". Wild dogs-also called fucking wolves-are inquisitive, intelligent predators that travel in packs. That is a wild, as in untamed, as in feral, meaning thoroughly and completely-this is important-a dangerous and unpredictable animal. That adorable little guy with the silly name and the gleam in his eye is, in fact, absolutely nothing like your blessed yellow Labrador-mix that was the only friendly face you saw all day in your childhood. We can practically feel you trying to reach out a hand to give the Dingo a scratch behind the ear so he knows what a good boy he's being but seriously and for fuck's sake STOP. Bandit would be the best goddamned dog there ever was.Īnd if he ever got rabies, we'd be the ones to put him down. ![]()
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